hidayawantsyou

The competitive losers, the stressed out achievers, the relaxed worriers, the striving rising underdogs and the scheming over achievers.
This is what it is.
Is this what it will be?

This aside, I'm really grateful for all who've been here for me thus far and have been really understanding. Without you guys I would really crumble inside out.

Emotional
connections.
Superficiality.
Attention.

Do not falter, do not stray too far; for if we can manage this, and back each other up, we can stand gloriously hand in hand atop mountains.

I've gotta get my head in the game,
Atlas
Friends
Studies
TMC
Family
Emotions
I can do this, I can handle this. I'm going to strive and achieve!
:)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Been procrastinating like the world's gonna end for the past few weeks. I am so ridiculously back on all my tutorials, it's not even funny. I think my teachers are starting to give up hope on me as they begin collecting assignments. It's not that I want to fail in life, it's just that I'm too god damn lazy to begin doing something. I often have big talk on how I'm gonna catch up during the weekends but that one weekend hasn't come yet. I don't know what's fucking wrong with me, why I haven't learnt from my past mistakes, and I don't know why I can spot what I'm going wrong but I'm not doing anything about it. I'm always not doing anything abut anything. I'm always like 'oh this needs to be done. This needs to be done' and then what? No action. I'm sick of myself. I feel quite bipolar sometimes. I can talk about myself like I'm some separate being and feel disappointed but action is never taken. Please tell me someone out there knows where my life is going coz I sure as hell dont.

I've done some research and interestingly, procrastination is the root of all my problems now, all the low self-worth, all the negativity. I need to do something about this instead of just sitting, analysing and whining. Get off your fucking ass and do something man.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

My quick descend. Watch me as I lose my way. Watch me as I walk into failure. Everything I do is not up to my own standards currently, I'm not handling my own life well at all. What I thought I could do; I'm proving myself wrong with each passing moment. With each step, I'm losing more of myself, more of my way, more of my direction. Unmotivated and without a goal, I'm just a lost sheep.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

So tired omigodz.
Am on an emotional roller coaster powered by hormonal imbalances.
Things gotta be lookin up soon yozz.
Well they have, in a certain aspect, one pertaining a certain tall, black haired person.

I will survive.
I will outdo my own self expectations.
I will not surrender.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Just overcame the toughest week in a long time. Tuesday being the breadwinner of worst days ever.
Apparently I slept with furrowed eyebrows because when I woke up I had a freaking deep line in between my eyebrows. I swear it was damn disgusting and I wanted to die. Hah. Then I massaged the area and stopped frowning and it disappeared. Heh.

Well this is just the beginning of a tough journey but I am willing to learn and improve for my mistakes. Not just in council, but in every aspect of my life. I have so many things on my mind, they're jumbled up but all can be sorted into categories, I'll have to handle them one by one to get the results I need. I can do this!
I just hope that my moods would stop changing this determination into resignation, i.e I do not want to be a quitter.
For now I feel all alone fighting this war in my mind. And I have really low days where I just want to sleep and never wake up. But life goes on. I'm still alive and running this marathon. I have to hold on to something rooted. And know how to manage my emotions.

This is weird because now its different. I blog when I'm in a better mood. And when my world is bleak and depressing I just keep it in. Haha no wonder the weeks were difficult:p

Hmm on a lighter note, I went for the lit workshop today. We were creating characters out of exaggerated movements like walking on hot coal, Ice skating and walking on eggshells. That's just one thing that happened. Oh my group won this competition to woo one instructor in a themed way, there was melodramatic, romantic (us), spontaneous and true love. The true love one was so cute and shy ^^ hehe. Was like a drama workshop or something! And it was a bit of a workout too, I was sweating while doing all the exaggerated movements. Wish it could've been longer though!
Ahh anyway, looking forward to shakespeare in the park:)
Kinda wish I took up drama, wish that TMS drama was better known last time. But ah well, had SO many memories in choir!
Heh.

Ahh okay dont know when I'll be posting next, probably might do so this weekend. Hopefully I'll get work done this weekend, fingers crossed!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

My life is made tragic due to my overwhelming insecurities.
Backed up by laziness.
Indecisiveness.
Mood-swings.
Can't even decide whether I want to run for it or not. Sometimes I wonder why decisions couldnt be made simpler. And why I actually make them seem more difficult than they actually are.

I want to eat crab sticks.
I feel like having BBQ food.

If they become my leaders I will kill myself.

You're cool, you're damn cool, I think I've found a soul mate. Please show as much enthusiasm as me when we get to know each other; don't wanna seem over excited:p

Decisions decisions:
1.Pride & self-worth
2.Grades
?

Am I even capable?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Why do I feel that my life is so incomplete? Or at least, not as complete as its supposed to be.

Sometimes you just want to let go. You fantasise a life without all the shit. Then you snap back to reality and are forced to carry on with life. And the cruel part is you actually have to find a way to be happy with it.

If I fail tomorrows test I think I'll plummet into depression. And I think I will fail.
Haiz.

Just being pessimistically contemplative.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

If I could, I would hold you forever.
I would take care of you.
I would make you smile.
I would love you with all my heart.
I would protect you.
I would make sure nobody hurts you.
I would always be by your side.
I would never desert you.

I remember now, why it's been how its been,
And why I want it to be,
But why it never was,
And why it will never be.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

I really cannot stand this mood I've been having today. It aint like how I normally am, well it ain't even that bad but today I'm really annoyed at myself for feeling this way. Meh. This is what you get after a late night, early morning and a stuffy room. Hate it.

Sleep is such a waste of time, ugh.

Whatever it is I hope I lighten up as soon as possible...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Whyyy am I so moody today?:/

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.